|How I think they THOUGHT I would look (only not as skinny as this woman) ;)|
I didn't make weight.
Last night was our final weigh in for the month and I only lost 3.5 lbs. I needed to lose 4.5 to remain with the group. To understand what I am talking about- look here.
My one leader looked at me - said "you had a good month- sorry" (dead pan expression on her face). I thought "well gee don't get all teary eyed on me". My other leader was more upset and told me should I need anything to not hesitate to contact her... however the words while probably well intended held no weight because never once in the past month that I was on "probation" did she reach out to me.
So- I was kicked out of the group... booted..."the tribe has spoken" etc...
Was I upset? Ashamed? Dejected?
That would be a NO, Hell NO, & No...
I felt RELIEVED...I don't have to go and weigh in weekly anymore- which honestly I weigh myself daily so I put way more pressure on myself anyways.
I WILL miss the other group members... I got to know some great people. But in all honesty the group was no longer effective for me.
Losing weight is something that is a personal and very individual journey.
Ultimately YOU have to WANT to do it for yourself.
NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR YOU!
This past month I learned a lot about myself as I was in many ways "Banished"- (I was on "probation" and was only allowed to weigh in- I was not allowed to go to meetings.)
I have learned that I CAN do it myself. Before I was allowed to join the group I had to lose six lbs. to even qualify...(they based it on a percentage of how heavy you were) so that added to the weight I lost while in the group ... Since January I have lost 42.5 lbs! That is amazing to me!
I went shopping last weekend because I literally had no pants that fit me anymore and belting my size 20's was no longer an option. For the first time in about 20 years shopping was fun...
I had to buy size 14 pants! I am down 4 pant sizes! After I was done on my way home in the car I was crying because I was so happy.
My hubby and family have been so supportive during this process- THEY are my support system. But as I said earlier, ultimately I did it, and I will continue...
I am not done.
Will I lose 30 more pounds? I'm sure as hell gonna try but to me this is a marathon, not a sprint.
I am changing my lifestyle, and I am learning to be patient, and to cut myself some slack if I flounder on this journey.
I am not perfect, but you know what? I'm pretty damn great. :)
|me on left with my mom 7/11|
|me & hubby 12/11|