Thursday, August 30, 2012


How I think they THOUGHT I would look (only not as skinny as this woman) ;)
I didn't make it....
I didn't make weight.

Last night was our final weigh in for the month and I only lost 3.5 lbs. I needed to lose 4.5 to remain with the group. To understand what I am talking about- look here.

My one leader looked at me - said "you had a good month- sorry" (dead pan expression on her face). I thought "well gee don't get all teary eyed on me". My other leader was more upset and told me should I need anything to not hesitate to contact her... however the words while probably well intended held no weight because never once in the past month that I was on "probation" did she reach out to me.

So- I was kicked out of the group... booted..."the tribe has spoken"  etc...

Was I upset? Ashamed? Dejected?

That would be a NO, Hell NO, & No... 
I felt RELIEVED...I don't have to go and weigh in weekly anymore- which honestly I weigh myself daily so I put way more pressure on myself anyways.

I WILL miss the other group members... I got to know some great people. But in all honesty the group was no longer effective for me.
Losing weight is something that is a personal and very individual journey. 

Ultimately YOU have to WANT to do it for yourself.

This past month I learned a lot about myself as I was in many ways "Banished"- (I was on "probation" and was only allowed to weigh in- I was not allowed to go to meetings.)

I have learned that I CAN do it myself. Before I was allowed to join the group I had to lose six lbs. to even qualify...(they based it on a percentage of how heavy you were) so that added to the weight I lost while in the group ... Since January I have lost 42.5 lbs! That is amazing to me!

I went shopping last weekend because I literally had no pants that fit me anymore and belting my size 20's was no longer an option. For the first time in about 20 years shopping was fun...
I had to buy size 14 pants!  I am down 4 pant sizes! After I was done on my way home in the car I  was crying because I was so happy.

My hubby and family have been so supportive during this process- THEY are my support system. But as I said earlier, ultimately I did it, and I will continue...

I am not done. 
Will I lose 30 more pounds? I'm sure as hell gonna try but to me this is a marathon, not a sprint.
I am changing my lifestyle, and I am learning to be patient, and to cut myself some slack if I flounder on this journey.

I am not perfect, but you know what? I'm pretty damn great. :)

me on left with my mom 7/11
 Sorry the picture quality isn't the greatest, but this gives you an idea of the difference.
me & hubby 12/11




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  3. You look AMAZING! Congratulations on losing the 42.5 pounds and on maintaining such an awesome, positive attitude. Seriously, you are fabulous.

  4. Holy Moly - AMAZING is the first word that comes to mind - I agree with Nicky, but doesn't seem sufficient. Gosh, jaw dropping girlfriend, truly inspiring. I am so proud of you, but I bet it doesn't beat how proud your family and you are of you. And YOU SHOULD BE!

    I was already to grrrrrr and hope in my car and come up and start bonking heads together, but I like your attitude. No, I LOVE your attitude. You have a great support group without that one and it all begins with you. WOW.

    I wanted to be of better support this month - but the best laid plans. I'm sorry, but I know you understand. Still....October is coming! Squeeeeeeee

    So what kind of clothes are you bringing so you and I can share/swap for the weekend? giggle. I think we should get our own hotel room together and have a slumber party and the guys can fend for themselves. HA!

    You truly truly look great Duke Mom - I am so darn happy for you and more proud than you'll ever know.

    Now email me and tell me why those comments had to be removed. [Don't you just love anons? jeesh]

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