Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Hot flashes suck.....

I've started menopause and I'm hear to tell ya it can be a royal pain in the ass.

For one thing- how are you supposed to know how to dress in the morning? I mean the temperatures outside are dropping so you need to begin wearing warmer clothes but once I am inside.. I range from either being cold to sweating like there is no tomorrow. I know they say you should layer, but honestly...I can't layer everything.

I work full time as a speech therapist in a public high school. In my office it is either meat locker cold, or pushing 75+ degrees- depending upon the day and the weather outside. Don't tell me to talk to the custodian because he is not a particularly nice person who would just as soon tell me to fuck off as he would say hello.

I am increasingly having night sweats as well.. last night... I had just a sheet on... and was still hot...

Another thing.. when I CAN sleep... I generally wake up by about 2AM (after about 3 hrs. of decent sleep) and then keep waking up till the alarm goes off @ 6:00 AM.

About 3 wks ago I began waking up each morning feeling nauseous... so I thought oh shit I'm getting sick...uh no, according to a friend, this is another stupid symptom of menopause!! After complaining that I was nauseous every morning, a friend told me that some women feel this way because of the hormones like when we were pregnant way back when.

Well shit, then I am really screwed because with both girls I was so nauseated that they almost slapped me in the hospital because I couldn't eat and was nauseous 24/7 for the first 4 months.

So I Googled "menopause symptoms" and this is the list that came up and the ones I am experiencing:
The number of stars 1-5 indicate the severity for me- the more stars the worse my perception of them.

Common Symptoms of Menopause
1. Hot Flashes ** (they are a PAIN!)
2. Night Sweats **(and yes I have had to shower & change nighties at times)GROSS!
3. Irregular Periods *** (so either stop already or continue... my periods indecisiveness is annoying)
4. Loss of Libido ***** (and this sucks for my poor hubby )
5. Vaginal Dryness ***
6. Mood Swings ** (WTF is your problem?)

7. Fatigue ************Can you say off the charts?
8. Hair Loss (thank God- but for now at least- NO!)
9. Sleep Disorders ******* refer to #7
10. Difficult Concentrating *** (ummm what did you say?)
11. Memory Lapses *** (again... ummm what did you say?)
12. Dizziness *
13. Weight Gain ** (ok, ok so I cannot completely blame that on menopause!)
14. Incontinence ** (I freaking feel like I have to pee ALL THE TIME)
15. Bloating * (like for the past 20 yrs.)
16. Allergies *
17. Brittle Nails *(although this could be from having artificial nails for 15 yrs.)
18. Changes in Odor (ewww, but no)
19. Irregular Heartbeat ?
20. Depression * (Who wouldn't with all this shit?)
21. Anxiety * (somewhat)
22. Irritability ** (my family would probably add more stars)
23. Panic Disorder ?

24. Breast Pain (does phantom pain around when I am supposed to get my period count?)
5. Headaches *****************ALWAYS
26. Joint Pain **
27. Burning Tongue(for real? - NO Thank God)
28. Electric Shocks (for real? - NO Thank God)
29. Digestive Problems *****(can you say irritable bowel & acid reflux?)
30. Gum Problems (N/A- but something to look forward too- NOT!)
31. Muscle Tension (a good excuse to get massages more often!)
32. Itchy Skin (N/A- but something to look forward too- NOT!)
33. Tingling Extremities (N/A- but something to look forward too- NOT!)

Gee.... no where on that list is feeling nauseous every morning like I did when I was pregnant!? WTF????

Don't tell me to try the medicinal route...aka hormone replacement therapy - tried some "natural hormones" last year as prescribed by my dr. they didn't help.

So, in light of all of this I think my only option at this point is to drink more...
1. It will make me happy
2. It will help me sleep
3. Wine is healthy for you- doesn't it have antioxidants in it or something?
4. If I am feeling "good" after a few glasses of wine I won't care about my symptoms!
5. It will make me happy- worth restating! :)


  1. Oh my god.

    Is that list a joke? It sounds like it was made up by a bunch of fraternity boy medical students.

    Burning tongue? Electric shocks? Changes in odor? Would you admit any of those to anyone, including your doctor?

    After reading that, I can only conclude that we suck. Drink up! I'll join you!

  2. Well. That settles that. I'm going to be a man in my next life.

    I think that I have had partial menopause my whole life! What now?

    Thanks for the list. It's gonna make my husband's day (-: LOL!!!


  3. And then comes your old age and you don't even want to go there!!! I blame this all on my mother...your grandmother. She didn't warn me at all. Surprise...70 ain't no rodeo either. The alternative isn't pretty and my delight is in my daughters and grandkids so I think I'll stick around for awhile. LOL Mom

  4. I know what you are going through girls. I remember not being able to wait for my first period and "becoming a woman". signed "hot at the beach".

  5. Yes, it definitely sucks and I've had many of these symptoms myself including ALL of the top 6 and way too many of the remaining 27. Hell, I'm drinking wine right now even though I've heard to avoid wine before bedtime because it increases the chance of "night sweats". I'm beginning to think women are screwed no matter what!

  6. hot flashes, followed by cold flashes! repeat! repeat! repeat! daily, for at least 3 years! oh, the joy of womanhood.