Hot flashes suck.....

I've started menopause and I'm hear to tell ya it can be a royal pain in the ass.

For one thing- how are you supposed to know how to dress in the morning? I mean the temperatures outside are dropping so you need to begin wearing warmer clothes but once I am inside.. I range from either being cold to sweating like there is no tomorrow. I know they say you should layer, but honestly...I can't layer everything.

I work full time as a speech therapist in a public high school. In my office it is either meat locker cold, or pushing 75+ degrees- depending upon the day and the weather outside. Don't tell me to talk to the custodian because he is not a particularly nice person who would just as soon tell me to fuck off as he would say hello.

I am increasingly having night sweats as well.. last night... I had just a sheet on... and was still hot...

Another thing.. when I CAN sleep... I generally wake up by about 2AM (after about 3 hrs. of decent sleep) and then keep waking up till the alarm goes off @ 6:00 AM.

About 3 wks ago I began waking up each morning feeling nauseous... so I thought oh shit I'm getting sick...uh no, according to a friend, this is another stupid symptom of menopause!! After complaining that I was nauseous every morning, a friend told me that some women feel this way because of the hormones like when we were pregnant way back when.

Well shit, then I am really screwed because with both girls I was so nauseated that they almost slapped me in the hospital because I couldn't eat and was nauseous 24/7 for the first 4 months.

So I Googled "menopause symptoms" and this is the list that came up and the ones I am experiencing:
The number of stars 1-5 indicate the severity for me- the more stars the worse my perception of them.

Common Symptoms of Menopause
1. Hot Flashes ** (they are a PAIN!)
2. Night Sweats **(and yes I have had to shower & change nighties at times)GROSS!
3. Irregular Periods *** (so either stop already or continue... my periods indecisiveness is annoying)
4. Loss of Libido ***** (and this sucks for my poor hubby )
5. Vaginal Dryness ***
6. Mood Swings ** (WTF is your problem?)

Changes
7. Fatigue ************Can you say off the charts?
8. Hair Loss (thank God- but for now at least- NO!)
9. Sleep Disorders ******* refer to #7
10. Difficult Concentrating *** (ummm what did you say?)
11. Memory Lapses *** (again... ummm what did you say?)
12. Dizziness *
13. Weight Gain ** (ok, ok so I cannot completely blame that on menopause!)
14. Incontinence ** (I freaking feel like I have to pee ALL THE TIME)
15. Bloating * (like for the past 20 yrs.)
16. Allergies *
17. Brittle Nails *(although this could be from having artificial nails for 15 yrs.)
18. Changes in Odor (ewww, but no)
19. Irregular Heartbeat ?
20. Depression * (Who wouldn't with all this shit?)
21. Anxiety * (somewhat)
22. Irritability ** (my family would probably add more stars)
23. Panic Disorder ?

Pains
24. Breast Pain (does phantom pain around when I am supposed to get my period count?)
5. Headaches *****************ALWAYS
26. Joint Pain **
27. Burning Tongue(for real? - NO Thank God)
28. Electric Shocks (for real? - NO Thank God)
29. Digestive Problems *****(can you say irritable bowel & acid reflux?)
30. Gum Problems (N/A- but something to look forward too- NOT!)
31. Muscle Tension (a good excuse to get massages more often!)
32. Itchy Skin (N/A- but something to look forward too- NOT!)
33. Tingling Extremities (N/A- but something to look forward too- NOT!)

Gee.... no where on that list is feeling nauseous every morning like I did when I was pregnant!? WTF????

Don't tell me to try the medicinal route...aka hormone replacement therapy - tried some "natural hormones" last year as prescribed by my dr. they didn't help.

So, in light of all of this I think my only option at this point is to drink more...
because:
1. It will make me happy
2. It will help me sleep
3. Wine is healthy for you- doesn't it have antioxidants in it or something?
4. If I am feeling "good" after a few glasses of wine I won't care about my symptoms!
5. It will make me happy- worth restating! :)