I'd like to thank the little people who made this possible...

Drumroll please......

I have recently been awarded my first Blog award (how cool is that?) from Diane over at Just Humor Me.

According to the rules of the award, if you receive the award you have the choice of doing one of the following:

(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, stream-of-consciousness style.

b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.

(c) Make your next post a "vlog", or video blog

Then when you are done you are supposed to pass the award on to at least three amazing bloggers, like yourself.

So I have been trying to decide which I would do...(decisions, decisions) 
This was hard because first of all I have no idea how to do a vlog. So that left either blog while drunk or share my most embarrassing moment...which is hard to choose because I have had MANY embarrassing moments in my lifetime. One of which was when I began taking yoga classes 3 years ago at an awesome (and unfortunately now defunct) yoga studio. The first month they were slow getting people to take classes but for me it was really great because the owner/instructor Jason would do class and it would be just me. Since I had never done yoga before  it was like have my own personal yoga instructor. 

So one day about a month into classes we are having class (just me & him) and we are doing this position called happy baby. Now when you are in this position you are lying on your back with the soles of your feet facing the ceiling and your knees bent kinda like a frog... you can hold your ankles and you are trying to "open" up your hips. So anyways.. we are almost through with class and are doing happy baby and Jason notices my form is off and comes over to adjust how I am holding the position. In doing so something within me relaxed and as he turned around to go back to his mat I let loose with a really loud fart... you know one of those ones that creeps up on you and  you simply cannot hold back that sounds like a motorcycle discharging? 

Considering the fact that it was just me & him in the room there was no way to pass it off on someone else...(not that I would EVER do that *cough cough*- I have 2 dogs for a reason!)


So the fart is "hanging there" so to speak (both literally & figuratively) and I am thinking OMFG!!!! and I freeze (I don't know, in hopes that my sphincter muscles would somehow atrophy?) but in doing so somehow I inadvertently triggered something and I then felt the pressure of another building. (I couldn't make this shit up if I tried) So I am lying there legs up in the air, trying to hold the next one in and Jason being the gentleman he was, just continues on with class like nothing ever happened. The pressure of trying to keep myself "composed" begins to wear and I feel like I am beginning to sweat a bit... luckily it was the end of class and Jason put some music on during our final meditation time... he is telling me to try and find my focus, and control my breathing... meanwhile the mantra I am saying in my head is  "you will not fart again, you will not fart again..."

So we are in  the ultimate relaxation pose-dead mans pose- and I am trying to relax, but am afraid to REALLY relax for fear that I will let loose with another fart. The music is now fading... and we are to the part at the end where all we are doing is deep breathing... the room is silent.


Until...
yes...

*sigh*


fart #2 (shoot me now)

I of course was mortified... and I think I said something like "you have got to be kidding me- I'm sorry". Jason, being the cool dude he was told me it was perfectly fine, that it was a natural occurrence during yoga. I think he was just being nice...

That was just one of my most embarrassing moments...

SO.. I hereby bequeath the incredibly prestigious OH MY BLOG award to:

Nicolasa over at Keepin' it in Perspective , Midlife Mama at  Midlife Musings , and Michaela over @ Gimme that tea towel I'll dry . 

Skippy over at I Make Soap- I know you have not been feeling well, but when you are up to it I nominate you as well! :)

What'll it be ladies??? :)

rockin the workout

So last night was my first "real" workout with Paul...

HOLY SHIT...(most intense workout I've ever had)


Paul explained how our workouts would go.. he has me do exercises in pairs back to back with no time in between... and I do 3 sets of the exercises with no down time between them. Instead of doing a set number or reps I do each exercise to exhaustion ( yes I said exhaustion). He stressed that form was more important than anything else... if I can not do the exercise fully- do it as much as I can...

Example...We began with squats/10 jumping jacks...So I do these squats (always a favorite-NOT)... until my legs are burning... then immediately do 10 jumping jacks... then right back to squats... then jumping jacks... you get the idea (3 sets of this).... then I get a break--- get a drink (hydrate hydrate hydrate!)

Last night much of the work out was geared to my upper body/arms, but he would incorporate squats with some of them to get my lower body involved.

I did all kinds of bicep/triceps exercises... with one really awesome (that was sarcasm) exercise called a "dip"... for the dip you sit on a chair and then support your weight on the chair as you lift your body and dip in front of the chair. Like this...

(these are f*cking hard)

 For my last dip my arms were so wasted that I could not lift my butt back up onto the chair. (literally)  So I just sat on the floor- loser!

We ended up my workout with push ups/planks.

This is a plank...

By my last set I thought I was going to throw up... for real... 

I have NEVER worked so hard that I wanted to throw up. When he told me to stop I collapsed to the ground (I am so sure I looked pathetic) He was very complimentary telling me what an awesome job etc I did and I looked up @ him and told him" I think I am gonna throw up... do you have a trash can"?

I was mortified... luckily I didn't actually throw up but was REALLY nauseous. He told me not to feel embarrassed... that in his experience, when people begin back to working out, if they have an intense workout it is the body's way to say "hey knock this shit off". He told me that when your body can not take any more it's self defense is to make you feel nauseous so you HAVE to stop whatever you're doing.

So all things considered - I ROCKED MY WORKOUT!!!! I  gave 100% and was oh so proud of myself!

When I got home, I took ibuprofen, iced my arms, showered and went to bed...

Today I am sore, & I know that tomorrow will most likely be worse... 

My "homework" this week is to walk at least 4x/wk for 30 min. and to run through some of the exercises we did -maybe one set each... which I will do... I know this first month will probably be hell... but I can do it...

How awesome would it be to look like this @ 50??

hope

So I went and met my new trainer last night. What we did was talk about my current health, my goals, he took my measurements, weight etc. and ran me through a series of exercises to see my current level of fitness as well as my range of motion etc.

Paul is VERY knowledgeable, and while he is probably only like 5'8 or so... he is BIG as in like a marine or body builder. He is basically a walking advertisement...He told me last night was basically a get to know you session so he could see where I am at and that Wed. night we will really begin. It was embarrassing how out of shape I am but he was very encouraging. He told me in no uncertain terms that if I want this... he can help me make it happen. And you know what... I believe him.

If you've ever had a significant amount of weight to lose (like anything over 30 lbs.) you usually begin with an open mind, but deep down I think you think-  I hope I can do it, but you aren't 100% sure that you can. There is always a part of you which thinks.."yeah I can't really do this". 
After an hour with Paul, that uncertainty is gone- I know that if I do what he says... I CAN DO THIS!
Am I going to enjoy every minute?- hell no- I am probably going to be sore, and bitch & whine that I want to still eat things I shouldn't, but I am going to try...

I'll keep you posted on my journey :)

anticipation

Tonights the night... I meet & begin with my personal trainer Paul tonight.
I am nervous...actually I am beyond nervous... I am so nervous about this that it has kicked my IBS in gear and I woke up with the runs...

I KNOW that I HAVE to do this...
and I really WANT to do this...
but I am worried that I am going to be really sore...
I'm worried that I will fail...

I'm just worried...
I am such a f*cking wussie...

revelation

Well I've done it...
I made an appointment with a personal trainer for next Monday night.

Two years ago I found out I have type 2 diabetes... and since then have really done very little like nothing about it. Sure I have made some improvements on my diet... but exercise? Uh... that would be a  hell no!

I hate to exercise... loathe it... always have.(even when I was thin) Unfortunately I now have come to the realization/revelation that if I do not do anything about my weight I will really begin to compromise my health. I am 50- not a spring chicken, but also not ready for the grave either and I am finally sick and tired of always feeling sick & tired.

I found someone who comes highly recommended by a fellow teacher who has lost at least 35-40 lbs. since she began working with this guy last summer.She looks FANTASTIC! I spoke with him this morning and set up my first session. He sounded really nice in a kind of I'm going to torture you kind of way. There was also the little fact that he told me that he has trained Navy Seals who can not pass their physicals - with a 100% success rate- this little tidbit  has actually thrown the fear of God into me.

You have no idea how nervous I am right now...My choices of time this guy has available were either 5 AM (are you f*cking kidding me?) or 9:00 PM- (yuck) I chose the 9 PM time because it was the lesser of the two evils *shrug*.
As soon as I hung up the phone the first thought that went through my head was "what the hell did you just do?".
To say I am feeling remorse is an understatement- but I know I HAVE to do this.
Wish me luck!

the powers of medication

This afternoon we have an annual parent conference with the parent from hell...
This particular parent is unlike any other I have ever worked with. I think she must be bipolar. I know at some point she mentioned a head injury in her past- from roller derby... (yeah that inspires a good feeling).

In any case it is the yearly review for her child and I' m not really sure what to expect...
My first experience with this parent occurred three years ago, and it wasn't pretty. Without going into detail, suffice it to say she came out the winner, because she had me ejected from the meeting because I dared to *GASP* tell her the truth and contradict something she *thought* was in her child's IEP. (Individual Educational Plan) She *thought* that every teacher & therapist that her child was working with was *supposed* to email her weekly with an update on how her child was doing. Unfortunately that was NOT the case. Only the student's special ed. teacher was required to do that.

And anyways WTF lady??... it is April and you wait till now to say anything???? I mean if it was my kid and I *thought* teachers were required to email me weekly I would've been on the phone in Sept. and not waited till mid April.

But I digress...
This parent will literally yell and scream in a meeting with 13 professionals if she does not get her way-  this tends to put people on edge-(ya think?) and it causes principals & supervisors with no balls to cow tow give in to every whim this person has. Sad but true...

Since our initial meeting I have learned that this woman runs either hot or cold- either she hates your guts or she loves you. Right now I *think* she loves me...last I heard she had it in for another teacher. (Hey at least I am off her shit list...)

Funniest thing happened at the following years IEP meeting... Mom said she was having a real problem with communication with her child... I asked if it was anything I could help with? Evidently the student(who is a teenager) had an argument with Mom.. and told her to "Fuck off".
As I maintained a straight face (but God was that hard)I said, "Well  you were concerned that *student* was not communicating like a "normal" teenager... not that I condone the language, but the response was a typical teen aged response you might hear during an argument".

This kid is now my personal hero. =)



*UPDATE*
I waited to post this till after the meeting... I am still alive-
*Mom* acted normally for once... no screaming etc. Most of us sat waiting for the other shoe to drop- but that time never came. I looked @ the teacher mid way through the meeting while the parent was talking to another teacher and whispered that things were going way too smoothly. Then later *Mom* made a  comment  about remembering to take her meds today.

*Light bulb*
AHHHHHHH... she must be on some good stuff.

Eva

The world has lost a truly beautiful human being. 

Eva Markvoort finally lost her battle with Cystic Fibrosis and died March 27th. 

I found Eva's blog 65 Red Roses through another blog and read as she described her battle to live. Her day to day struggles were written with honesty and integrity. This young woman left a mark on the world which is a testimony to her life. 

Eva touched my heart as she did thousands of others... my heart and prayers go out to her family & friends during this sad time.